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50
Fun Things to Do in a Final that Does Not Matter.
(i.e., You are going to fail the class no matter what you
get on the final exam)
1.
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last
15 minutes. Wake up, say, "Oh geez, better get cracking,"
and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre,
Andre, I've got the secret documents!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in Essay form. If
it is long answer/Essay form, answer with numbers and symbols.
Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's
left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop,
yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking."
Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into
it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand
ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long!
What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular
guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the
volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting
way to refuse to answer every question. For example: "I
refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts
with my religious beliefs." Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe
a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've
found me, I have to leave the country," and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the
papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and
yell out, "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring,
ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one.
Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel
on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during
the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know
one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman
numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not
looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going
to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the
instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor
to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed
to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things,
move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As
you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false.
If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things
(DCCAB. BABE. etc.).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions
and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers
down violently, scream out, "Fuck this!" and walk
out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (e.g. Threaten
the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are
all leaving after one hour to go drink)
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